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You’ve heard the news and may have already experienced it firsthand- before even entering the workforce woman are at a disadvantage versus their male counterparts. Fortunately progress is being made. Young women earn an estimated 93% of what males their age make. Still, us women often approach work environments differently than men. As a result, tiny mistakes we don’t even realize we’re making can often add up to undermine our confidence at work.
Even the words we say can make a difference in how we are perceived at work. The following may be so subtle you hardly notice yourself saying them, but over time they can make a huge impact on how you’re viewed in professional situations. Avoid the following common verbal mistakes and you’ll be on your way to exuding confidence at work!
Over-apologizing.
By now I’m sure you’ve heard the data that backs this up. Women are more likely to say “I’m sorry” for things they have no reason to be sorry for. This video from Pantene puts it into perspective. How many times have you apologized for the same thing these women do?
I’m sorry for everything. Sorry for you bumping into me in the elevator, sorry for interrupting you typing on your computer, sorry for interjecting my opinion, sorry for taking too long to get my thoughts together. When I noticed how much I apologized, I realized I was appearing to be an interruption to the entire world- not true!
It will take a lot of practice, but start noticing when you say “sorry” without really meaning to apologize for something. Once you’re aware of the situations in which you blurt it out, you can start preparing other statements that don’t immediately cut down your credibility. With some practice, you’ll be on your way to exuding absolute confidence. Sorry, not sorry.
Using the word “just” in every email.
Another word that comes out of women’s mouths/emails far too often is the word “just.” When was the last time you started an email or spoke up in a meeting with:
“I just wanted to see if…”
“Here’s the project, just let me know…”
“I just think…”
The word expresses a need to ask for permission as if the words that follow are not regularly permissible. But really, you don’t need to ask permission to state your opinion or check on a project. Now take a second a reread those statements, this time without the word “just.” The meanings of the sentence are still intact and they come across as more authoritative and confident.
Many of us subconsciously throw in “just,” so take some time noticing when you use it. You likely use the word in the majority of your emails, so before you hit send next time do a quick scan. Typically if you come across a “just,” all you need to do is delete it and the meaning of your email will not be lost. From there, practice avoiding it in speech. You’ll find yourself feeling much more confident and others will take you seriously!
If you still don’t believe me, take it from a Google executive.
Starting your sentences with a negative.
I recently learned this one after being called out by a supervisor. Once she said it, I realized how often I made this little mistake when talking to my superiors. Starting with a negative goes something like this:
“I was only able to get to…”
“I didn’t finish all of it…”
“We had some issues with…”
All of these phrases imply negativity but will likely be followed by a “but” and something positive. It’s setting the stage for failure! Especially when circumstances are out of your control, make sure you always start on a positive note. There will be time for any negatives at the end of your email/conversation. If you set yourself up as a failure from the start, why would someone want to keep listening? The accomplishment will likely outweigh the negatives, so impress your supervisor first and then see if those negatives are even still worth bringing up.
Saying, like, like too many times.
I hope I don’t need to go into too much detail here. We all say it and we all know we say it, but we can’t stop. However, before you start vowing to never say “like” again, read this opinion piece by John McWhorter from the New York Times:
“Like” often functions to acknowledge objection while underlining one’s own point. To say, “This is, like, the only way to make it work,” is to implicitly recognize that this news may be unwelcome to the hearer, and to soften the blow by offering one’s suggestion discreetly swathed in a garb of hypothetical-ness.
While this may be reassuring after watching painful videos of your speeches in speech class, don’t think of this as a free pass to not worry about saying “like.” In a professional setting the word is still very distracting. Take for example other distractions. You’ve probably tried to focus in a meeting or class but instead have found yourself mesmerized/bothered by someone’s nervous habit, such as foot tapping, gum chewing or the repeated use of “um.” Saying “like” over and over again in presentations and meetings can have the same effect and detract from the information you are presenting. Not to mention it can also make you appear less confident.
Start noticing if you do say “like” too often, and if so, try to figure out trends of when you say it. Once you realize a pattern you can prepare yourself to avoid over-using it by either tolerating brief pauses or learning how to flow from one idea to the next more smoothly.
At the least, don’t ever say “like” in an email. Email is your chance to thoroughly plan out exactly what you want to say- don’t mess it up!
I hope these tips are helpful to providing you with more confidence at work. It takes time to notice why and when you say them, but within time you’ll get the hang of it!
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